January 3, 2012

Well, hey hey look who managed to write two days in a row.  Back to work today and it was a hectic day.  Lots of problems and  a lot I have to get done in the next couple of weeks.  I remember how I used to work 12 hour days a few years ago- I don't have that energy any more.  Old age? Out of shape? or my low hemoglobin?  I thought I could do something good by becoming a regular blood donor and it's made my hemoglobin too low to donate.  I've tried taking iron supplements but it hasn't helped. Looking online, I saw that if you take acid blockers - which I do - then that can keep the iron from being absorbed. However without them, then I have heartburn. I should go to my doctor and sort this out but it is hard to do because I feel so fat and out of control.  Last year I managed to lose 20 lbs and I've gained it all back.  Sigh.  Emotional eater and life just seems more and more stressful.  I present a calm face to the world for the most part, and then cry driving to work or in the middle of the night.  WTF?  Why does the screen keep freezing up?  What kind of blog site is this where I can't type at a normal rate of speed? 
Feelings of guilt and inadequacy.  Worry about work.  Guilt about my family, my parents, my lack of capacity for intimate relationships.  WTF is wrong with this screen?  Keeps freezing.  Being introverted. Worry about relationship.   Lots of crap inside and hopefully I can get it out this year.